Oops
by William de Worde
Summary: Team Minato gets visitors from the future. Unfortunately for the mental states of both parties, the pair are from a post-canon KakaObi universe. Time travel, of a sort. Rated T for language and mild sexual humor. [Cracky, but still contains some semblance of plot.] [Contains slash, if it wasn't obvious already]
1. Chapter 1

**Title: **Oops (Or, Why Dimension Warping Doujutsu Should Not Be Misused)

**Rating: **T. Used to be M, but I decided to tone down on the language.

**Summary: **In an overly optimistic post-canon universe, a reformed Obito ends up in a relationship with his old teammate. Unfortunately for him (and his libido), said teammate is also the sensei of a certain blonde serial cockblocker- also known as Uzumaki Naruto.

Solution? Kamui. Because having access to a separate dimension that nobody else can get to- even sexually oblivious jinchuriki- is useful for more than battle. Unsurprisingly, Obito's brilliant plan screws up, and Team Minato gets visitors from the future.

[Front: Team Minato gets visitors from the future. Unfortunately for both parties, the pair are from a post-canon KakaObi universe. Cracky, but still contains some semblance of plot.]

* * *

"This is all your fault," Obito said, and flicked a kunai at a nearby tree. It thudded into the trunk with a thump.

"That tree hasn't done anything to you." Kakashi remarked from a few feet away, his nose buried between garish orange covers. "Besides, how is it _my_ fault? From what I remember, it was _you_ who thought of the brilliant idea of using Kamui in the bedroom."

"Please." The Uchiha scoffed, "It's _your_ student who drove me to it."

"How so?" The other man flipped a page casually, thoroughly engrossed in his smut.

"He _interrupts_." Obito forced out through gritted teeth. "Every single freaking time."

"Ah... Naruto doesn't know any better. He still thinks that we're just two very good friends who live together." Kakashi explained, finally looking up from his book. "And I can't help it if my cute students want to see me all the time."

"Maybe if you actually sat him down and told him, he would stop bursting into our apartment at the worst possible times." Obito retorted acerbically. "At least the pink haired girl and my little cousin gets it." Sasuke and Sakura's expressions every time he saw them walking together told him that they knew _perfectly_ what was going on. Naruto, on the other hand...

"Remember Valentine's Day night? And that day Shikaku held a party at his apartment and everyone got drunk and frisky, and you told me, 'Obito, wait until we get home.' And I _waited_. But then that brat of yours decided to pay you a visit at two in the goddamn _morning_-"

"Maa, maa. I've tried to explain to Naruto before, but... nothing's worked so far." Kakashi scratched his head thoughtfully. "Maybe if _you_ told him..."

"What? Hell no!" Obito stared. "Do you have any idea how awkward it is for me to explain to a carbon copy of Minato-sensei that I'm sleeping with his sensei?"

One of the only reasons he was actually _glad_ for his old sensei's untimely death was because he wouldn't have to tell the man about his and Kakashi's relationship. That would not turn out well, to say the least.

"Then you shouldn't complain."

"You-" He spluttered indignantly, "Alright, _fine_." The Uchiha conceded grudgingly, "But it's still your fault. You could have given your students sex-ed. The brat's the most sexually oblivious person I know. Hell, even if I told him that we were sleeping together, he'd probably ask us why we had to share a bed- and offer to buy us another one."

"Hm. Naruto might be a bit oblivious, but... you weren't exactly the most worldly thirteen year old yourself, Obito. Remember the balloons at Sensei's birthday party?"

Obito blushed furiously, against his will. "H-Hey! That was one time!"

"You also thought that there was a zombie apocalypse when you saw two people kissing." Kakashi deadpanned. "You thought they were eating each other's faces. You carried around a _bat_."

"Alright, alright, fine!" He interrupted, face red. "So maybe I'm not one to talk. But he's eighteen. I'm surprised that Hyuga girlfriend of his hasn't explained anything to him yet."

"Hinata... is shy." Kakashi decided. "But let's stop blaming each other for this fiasco, shall we? I personally think a better option would be to find out where exactly we ended up and how to get back. We can figure out whose fault it is after we get back to our home dimension and change out of these..." He tugged on his outfit uncomfortably. "Clothing."

"Fine." Obito said, then grinned. "But my plan did work out, yeah? We're somewhere where your cockblocker of a student can't interrupt us. Shouldn't we... take advantage of that before we find a way back?"

"Obito," The jounin said exasperatedly, "We're in a forest. Not exactly the best place to- ngh!" He let out a huff of surprise as he was pressed up against a nearby tree trunk. "Seriously? _Here_? Are you out of your mind?"

"Why not?" The other replied flippantly, moving his face slightly closer. "I think this is the perfect place. Nothing to disturb us except for the wildlife. Now, how about you get that mask of yours out of the way?"

Kakashi yanked down the black cloth to his chin reluctantly. Obito grinned and pulled the other into a passionate kiss, all while pressing his partner against the tree trunk. He moved a knee in between the man's legs and pressed forward, enjoying the look on the jounin's face.

Oh, it really _has_ been too long...

He felt a tap on his shoulder. Obito whirled around angrily, and upon seeing the intruder, groaned.

"Are you fucking kidding me?" He hissed in disbelief, "How the _hell_ did you get _here_? It was bad enough the last thirty-odd times- but _again_? Kakashi, you complete bastard, your student's a dimension-traveling cockblock- and all because you couldn't have the decency to explain to him where babies came from!"

"Um." Kakashi said, "That's not Naruto."

"What the hell do you mean that's not-" Obito turned around slowly. "Oh. _Oh_."

He stared blankly at the horrified face of one Minato Namikaze, Yellow Flash of Konoha, future Yondaime, and his former sensei. A few feet away, an incredibly familiar trio stood, staring at him and Kakashi- the silver haired boy in revulsion and the goggled Uchiha next to him in confusion, while the last member of the team had her hands clamped over her nose, as if she was trying to hide a violent nosebleed.

Unfortunately, the movement of Obito's head gave Minato a clear view of Kakashi's exposed face.

"Sakumo-san?" The man asked uncertainly. In the background, someone- he suspected a certain silver haired boy- made a strangled choking sound.

Well, at least _that_ answered the question of just where he and Kakashi had ended up.

Crap.

* * *

**A/N: This is really short, but it's just a prologue. Future chapters will be longer. If you're wondering about Obito and the balloons... read Balloons Taste Funny by Moiya Hatake. The post-canon universe will be elaborated on in future chapters. If you haven't noticed already, this will contain KakaObi as a pairing- or rather, ObiKaka, if you know what I mean. Warning: I don't really have an ending planned out for this.**

**So I toned down the language, and since sexual references will be much less explicit after this chapter, I changed the rating to a T.**

**The premise of this fic is pretty similar to the fic Bad Trip by Lucillia, but I'm going in a rather different direction. For one, this fic will have an actual plot... of some sort, because Kakashi and Obito probably doesn't want the events in this dimension to turn out the same way their's did. If said author does think there are parts too close to her fic, I will gladly change them.**

**Also, cover picture doesn't belong to me. I don't know who the artist is, but I will gladly take it off if they don't like it being used/credit them if anyone knows them.**

**Please read and review. Depending on the interest this gets, I'll decide whether or not to put this ahead of the other stories I'm working on right now.**


	2. Chapter 2

**Rating:** T

**Summary:** Maybe training in the Forest of Death wasn't such a great idea.

* * *

Obito liked Minato-sensei.

He was a great teacher and one of the strongest shinobi in the village. He was funny and treated their team to dinner sometimes and, best of all, Minato-sensei didn't treat him any differently from anyone else - unlike most people Obito knew, his own parents included. He didn't have any favorites on the team, even though Kakashi was a genius and made chuunin at six and blablabla.

But sometimes, Obito really questioned the man's sanity. And now, as he stood in the middle of a dark, dank forest that stretched for what seemed like miles in every direction, was one of those times.

"Er, Sensei?" He hollered, cringing back from a hissing spider, "are you really sure this is a good place to train?"

"Of course! I trained here with Jiraiya-sama back when I was a kid." The man shouted back, a wide grin on his face. "Don't worry about the spiders, Obito. They're not poisonous. Probably, anyways."

Obito paled, then turned vaguely green. "Probably?" He yelped, a look of pure horror on his face as he looked upon the hulking arachnid with growing unease. It was bad enough that they were the size of his hand. Now they were poisonous?

"Shut it," Kakashi growled as he elbowed his way past Obito without warning, sending the other boy skidding dangerously close to the glaring spider in the process. "You're already a crybaby. Don't tell me you're afraid of spiders too."

He turned red in anger. "I'm not a crybaby, you bastard! And there's nothing wrong with being afraid of spiders!" Not when they had inch-long fangs, Obito decided, especially when they had inch-long fangs.

Kakashi made a disparging noise. Obito gritted his teeth. "You little -"

"Calm down," came a soothing voice as he felt a hand rest gently on his shoulder. "We're a team, right? We should be fighting our enemies, not each other."

Obito gazed at perfection - or, as people who weren't Obito Uchiha knew it, the face of Rin Nohara. He stared, mouth open. Her eyes, he thought dreamily, her smile...

"Hn," Kakashi said, "Obito should be to blame. After all, he was the one blocking the path because of a spider."

"It wasn't just a spider," he argued. That thing was to a spider as that damned Torah was to a normal cat.

"Oh," said Rin, "do you mean that spider there?" A flash of grey metal, a thunk of steel in wood, and then Rin was over at the spider-tree, gingerly wiping away insect juices from her kunai. Obito stared in shock, first at Rin, then at the large arachnid corpse still clinging to the trunk.

"Nngh," he managed. Rin beamed back. "It's alright, Obito," she reassured him, "it's nothing to be afraid of."

He blushed scarlet red. Alright, to be scared shitless in front of that bastard Kakashi was one thing, but for Rin to find out...

Sensei's cheerful blonde head poked out from a few dozen feet ahead, standing out amongst the dark green and brown that made up the forest. "What's taking you all so long?" He shouted at them, "We're going to need all the time we can get to train, considering that our mission's next week."

"Got it!" Obito took off running.

He was actually pretty excited for the mission his team would be undertaking next week. It was an important one, that was for sure. From what his parents had told him at the dinner table, the only reason a chuunin team had been assigned, instead of one of all jounin, was because of the presence of the Yellow Flash of Konoha, Minato Namikaze. Sure, it was dangerous, but Obito saw it only as another opportunity to prove himself to the clan, the village, and (he blushed) Rin.

Obito didn't really see how the mission could go wrong. He had the legendary Yellow Flash on his side, and Rin was a really badass medic-nin (and spider-killer, he decided), and even though Kakashi wasn't someone he liked being around for more than five seconds at a time, Obito had to admit that he was pretty good.

Besides, when had anything exciting ever happened at a bridge?

* * *

"Did anyone else hear that?"

Rin frowned. "...I do hear something, Sensei. Almost like... two people talking?"

There shouldn't be anyone else on the training grounds. Kakashi knew for a fact that Minato-sensei had made sure personally that the section of the Forest of Death his team would be training in would be completely and utterly empty.

But there was the distinctive sound of human voices coming from some distance away. Maybe some extremely foolish genin. Or a jounin who had somehow missed the notifications. Nobody else would be stupid enough to wander into the Forest of Death. Or, perhaps...

"Sensei," he said out loud, "I think we should investigate." Enemy nin were always a possibility at this point in the war.

"I agree, Kakashi-kun," Sensei said, a look of concentration on his face. "Hm. I'll take the lead and you three act as back-up. Don't attack without my signal. If anything happens, make your way back to the village and inform the Sandaime of whatever happened."

He nodded, and had to stifle a groan when he saw Obito Uchiha staring at Sensei with wide eyes. Seriously? How had the boy ever gotten to chuunin rank if he could be unnerved by this?

Kakashi slid a kunai out of his pouch and followed Sensei into the forest, mindful for any branches or leaves that might draw unwanted attention to their group.

It was time now. Team Minato was now so close to the speakers that they could almost tell what they were saying - only, the little bits that Kakashi managed to hear were nonsense. Sensei narrowed his eyes and peeked through the foliage, and then frowned. It was too thick to see through.

Sensei gestured toward the source of the voices and Kakashi nodded in understanding. Minato-sensei was going to confront the speakers head-on. They had the element of surprise on their side and from the sound of things, the fight would be four against two.

The older man burst through the bushes and out of sight, kunai in hand. Somehow, he managed to rustle only a few leaves as he passed. Kakashi heard a sharp intake of breath - Sensei was shocked, for whatever reason. There was no time to think - his teacher could already be under attack. He dove forward, knowing that his teammates would follow.

He had been expecting a lot of things. Menacing enemy nin engaging in battle with Minato-sensei, some incredibly stupid jounin at their training session - but this was not what he had expected at all. Kakashi's eye twitched incontrollably. Seriously? His team had been tracking a pair of horny civilians?

He wasn't called a genius for nothing. One of the pair was obviously not shinobi - he was clad in purple robes and looked more like a performer in a theater show than anything. Instead of a hitai-ate, he wore a purple headband. The other, however, almost fooled him at first. Wearing a jounin vest and uniform, he looked like a jounin of the village - until Kakashi caught sight of the obviously fake hitai-ate on the man's forehead, imprinted with a symbol that did not belong to any hidden village.

The fact that neither of them seemed to notice his team's arrival only cemented his suspicions. Any trained shinobi would have attacked by now. He groaned inwardly. Civilians.

Kakashi couldn't see much of either man's face - he could only see the back of one, and the other one, the one being (he blushed) pressed to the trunk of the tree... his face was blocked by his... companion.

Next to him, Obito stared with a look of confusion on his face. Kakashi fought the urge to facepalm. Obito was an idiot, yes, but it wasn't until their team's introduction to Jiraiya-sama that it became apparent just how.

The Toad Sage was an extremely powerful shinobi... but a huge pervert as well. The man had tried giving them some books he had written - Sensei had grabbed them out of his and Obito's hands as soon as he saw them - and dragged the two boys to "train" - that is, to ogle girls at the local bathhouse.

Kakashi reddened at the memory. That... had been educational, at least for him. He was no stranger to the matter of the birds and bees, but Obito... The Uchiha had simply stood there awkwardly when Jiraiya-sama had beckoned him to the peephole, looking completely and utterly lost. A round of intense questioning later, an incredulous Jiraiya had shooed him away.

Apparently, Obito's parents hadn't felt the need to tell him anything about human sexuality. A chance remark from a classmate had lead him to believe that kissing couples were in fact eating each other's faces, in the most literal way possible. And after seeing the large wooden bat that Obito owned, the one he kept as a defense against "face eating zombies", Team Minato had tacitly agreed to keep him the way he was as long as humanly possible.

No doubt his teammate had no idea what was going on before him.

Kakashi shot Minato-sensei a pleading look and the man, looking very awkward, walked over and tapped the black haired civilian on the back. Said man turned, stared, and let loose a spew of obscenities.

His eyebrow raised as the man ranted somewhat nonsensically - and then stared when he was called a bastard. Did he know the man? Kakashi would certainly remember meeting someone like him, considering the obvious whorl shaped scars that marred the entire right half of the man's face. Even Sensei looked stunned at the sheer rage the man exuded.

Then Sensei had said a single word that turned Kakashi's stomach upside down - "Sakumo-san?"

Kakashi started and followed the older man's stare to the other man, the man whose face had been previously hidden. His kunai dropped from nerveless fingers.

No, it can't be...

Silvery white hair a shade that Kakashi had seen on only two people his entire life, one of them being himself. And the face, the one that had haunted his dreams and had caused him to don a mask just to escape from it. The last time he had seen that face, its owner had been bleeding out from a self-afflicted stomach wound in their home.

Shock turned into pure, mindless rage. His fingers shook as he drew out a kunai, accidentally cutting his finger on the blade - a rookie mistake, one he hadn't made since he had died. He barely felt it.

"You bastard," he hissed, and lunged.


	3. Chapter 3

**Rating: **K+

**Summary: **Kakashi Hatake is not a happy chuunin.

* * *

Kakashi's first strike missed; his second, however, struck true - or would have, if the black haired man hadn't intervened.

Fingers closed around the blade of his kunai, holding it in place with a grip like steel. The sharp edges cut into the man's flesh with ease, slicing his fingers to the bone, but the man didn't seem to care. Blood stained Kakashi's fingers and momentarily surprised from the lack of reaction, his grip on the kunai loosened-

- and the man's boot planted itself into his abdomen. He flew backwards with a grunt, landing onto the hard ground. His kunai was still in the man's hands. Sensei's hand reached down to pull him up and he grasped it thankfully. Kakashi got to his feet carefully and wiped the blood on his hand on the surrounding grass. It wasn't a good idea to have his hands slippery if things got even more violent than they had already.

"Dammit," cursed his disarmer. The man peered down at his wounded hand in distaste and let go of the bloody kunai he had still been holding onto. It wasn't a pretty sight - the man's callous grabbing of the kunai by the blade had shredded his hand to ribbons, but strangely enough, he looked at his injury as if he was looking at a raw slab of meat, not his own appendage. "That stings," he complained.

...Sting wasn't exactly a word Kakashi would have used to describe the pain from a wound like that, but this only proved to reinforce his theory that the man was insane. If Obito had suffered such a grievous wound, Kakashi had no doubt that tears would have been streaming from his eyes. Trained shinobi would at least the forethought to at least stem the bleeding somehow. But this man simply stood there with his mangled hand bleeding steadily at his side, as if he expected it to heal on its own.

But it wasn't on _him_ that the majority of Kakashi's attention was fixated on. That dubious honor belonged to the silver-haired man who stared at them with one wide eye. The resemblance between him and Kakashi's long deceased father was uncanny - the high nose bridge and cheekbones that seemed to be a trademark of the Hatake clan was obvious, not to mention the color of his hair.

Kakashi narrowed his eyes. If it wasn't his father, he decided, it was at least a very good imitator. Sakumo Hatake had killed himself years ago - Kakashi had been the one to discover his corpse. But still, there were ways...

"Sensei," he said haltingly, "that man... Is he...?" But Sensei looked just as confused as he was. Surprisingly enough, it was the subject of his inquiry who answered his question.

"I'm not Sakumo Hatake," said the silver-haired man, still looking at them with that strange gaze - almost as if he was looking at ghosts. "Really, I'm not. When _is _this?"

Kakashi blinked at the nonsensical question. What kind of question was _that_? Instead, he focused on the earlier part of the man's statement. "If you're not my fa - Sakumo Hatake," he retorted, "who _are_ you?"

There was no way the man looking so much like the White Fang was a coincidence, and Kakashi knew he had no other family. But as he looked at the imposter, he wavered in his certainty. His father hadn't had much of a chance to tell him much about his clan before he killed himself, and his mother had simply disappeared on her mission when he was still a toddler. He wasn't exactly an expert in Hatake clan history. But still, the man could have been his father's twin.

"That... I can't tell you. Yet," the man said with an uncomfortable look on his face. He turned his attention to his partner. "Obi- You, are you alright?"

"Yeah, sure," the other man groused, "just _peachy_." He looked at the blood that covered his hand in distaste. The blood had stopped flowing at this point, much to Kakashi's surprise. It was a pretty large wound, taking up the man's whole hand; he had, in one of his more violent missions, seen an enemy bleed out from an injury smaller than that.

"Yet?" Asked Sensei, taking his role as mediator. He moved forward, closer to the two. His movements were slow and deliberate. A large grin appeared on his face and his eyes crinkled. In short, he looked nothing like the slaughterer of hundreds that Konoha's enemies painted him to be. "We have a few questions for you two," he explained, "and I really do suggest that you answer them - these are war times, after all. We can't be too careful, and you two _are_ in a restricted area."

"Fine," said the silver-haired man. He didn't sound worried, as Kakashi had expected. In fact, he sounded almost... exasperated? "Though, I will only answer if you and your team promise not to attack myself and my friend unless we prove to be a threat. Also, we would like to see the Hokage. It's of the utmost importance."

Kakashi was prepared to give an angry retort - _they_ were the ones who had breached Konoha walls, what right did they have to deserve conditions? - but Minato-sensei silenced him with a shake of his head. Sometimes, Sensei was too merciful.

"Agreed," his sensei said, "but we will decide whether or not to grant you audience after our questioning." He shared a look with Kakashi. There had been assassins gunning for the so called 'God of Shinobi', but if these two really were assassins, they had to be the least competent ones he had ever seen.

"Ask your questions then. Fire away." The man winked, which looked somewhat discomforting with only one eye. "Not literally, I hope."

"...How did you get into the Forest of Death? Civilians are not allowed in here, and there should be no shinobi in here at the time. Neither of you are wearing Konoha hitai-ate."

"Ah? The Forest of Death? I knew the place looked familiar." Kakashi twitched. The man's tone sounded joking, and he was unpleasantly reminded of certain teammates who just couldn't take things seriously. "But I'm afraid my answer to that question will be disappointing to you. You see, I'm not sure of that myself."

"How do you not _know_ how you snuck into Konoha?" Kakashi asked, outraged. Of all the lies, this had to be the least believable.

The man looked at him calmly. "I just don't. Next question?"

Kakashi expected Minato-sensei to force an answer out of the infuriating man, but the blonde shook his head. He must have known that he couldn't get much out of the mysterious stranger.

"...Where are you from?" Minato-sensei asked again.

The man grinned widely. "An easier question! But for you two, one with a no less confusing answer." A thumbs-up. "We're from Konoha."

There was a brief silence. _Chirp, _went the crickets. _Throb_, went the vein in Kakashi's forehead.

"There's no way," Rin said hesitantly, "none of us have seen you two in the village before."

"Rin's right," Sensei agreed, "and I know for sure neither of you are in our village records, of shinobi _or_ civilian. I want the truth."

"Ah, but that _is_ the truth!" Said the silver-haired man cheerfully. "But we're not from _this _ Konoha, you see."

This Konoha? Were there multiples of his village? Or maybe, the man was just spouting off nonsense as usual. "What do you mean," said Kakashi. It was more of a threat than a question. He changed his mind. There was no way this man could be his father - not unless he had severe brain damage of some sort.

"I meant that my friend and I hail from _a_ Konoha, just not this one. We're from a future Konoha."

"_What," _Kakashi deadpanned.

"It's not a difficult concept to grasp, you know. There's past Konohas, there's present Konohas - for you, its yours - and there's future Konohas, one of which is the one where the two of us came," the man explained matter-of-factly.

"Yes, we understand that part," said Sensei delicately, "but the part that's difficult for us to believe is your actual claim. Time travel, like the kind you say brought you here, is impossible."

"Not impossible. Just very unlikely." The silver-haired man sighed dramatically. "What can I do to prove that I'm telling the truth? I can tell you that _you_-" he pointed at Kakashi, "are an orphan, after your father's suicide and your mother's death on a mission soon after your birth," he gestured at Sensei, "that you're dating a certain fiery redhead named Kushina Uzumaki and that you're planning to propose to her in a few weeks time. Or months, depending on when exactly we are."

He glanced over to his black-haired companion. "You probably know more about the other two."

The scarred man gave him a glare, but acquiesed. "Fine. You, with your goggles... your grandma gave you those to stop you from tearing up all the time. Didn't work as well as she hoped though. Rin..." He swallowed. "Uchiha Obito is your best friend, and you two became friends after you threw a rock at his face."

Normal people would respond to such a revealing analysis with shock. Kakashi, however, reacted with anger. "Who told you about that?" He demanded furiously, eyes narrowed.

"Nobody did. Or, depending on your perspective, you did."

He almost lunged, if not for Sensei's hand on his shoulder. "...The things you two have just said... are things you two shouldn't no. Rin, Obito, are what they said true?" The two nodded, both looking stunned. "Alright, well, it was true for me too." Minato-sensei had turned slightly red. "Let's say that we believe you. But... who _are_ you two? You obviously know who we are," he asked.

The two men exchanged glances. "Come on," said the silver-haired man, "Figure it out. It isn't _that_ hard, sensei."

Kakashi twitched. Obito choked. Rin stared. Minato-sensei's jaw hung open. "Kakashi?" He asked, staring hard at him as if he was looking for the resemblance.

The silver-haired man sighed and reached for his neck to put his mask back on. The resemblance was clear _now_, Kakashi thought dumbly. The man looked just like the form he saw in the mirror every morning, only a few decades older and missing an eye. He waved lazily. "Hey."

"There's no way you're me!" Kakashi exclaimed, eyes narrowed. Even the prospect that he would one day end up being a person like _him_ was horrifying. The man was nothing like him - immature, flippant, and not a professional shinobi at all. Even if they looked the same, it proved nothing. "I'm nothing like you!"

He formed seals with his hands. It was the only possible explanation. "_Kai!" _Kakashi looked up. The silver-haired man gazed at him lazily, not a single hair changed.

"That wasn't necessary. This is no genjutsu. And if you haven't noticed," the man pointed out, "we look exactly alike. And besides, what would I gain from telling such an outrageous lie?"

He grit his teeth. Yes, he had noticed. But did he like it? No way in hell. But before he could return a sharp retort, Minato-sensei silenced him. "Kakashi," his sensei said quietly, "...I believe him."

Kakashi froze. His eyes turned cold. "You think I'll become someone like _him_?" He demanded, though without much conviction.

Sensei didn't answer, instead turning back to the two time travelers. "If you're Kakashi," he said, pointing at the silver-haired man, "then you must be..." He looked at the scarred man, hard. His eyes widened. "It can't be... _Obito?_"

The man nodded slowly. Obito made a strangled noise, but Kakashi wasn't really surprised. Much less than he had been about the initial revelation. Once he looked past the scars, yeah, the man did look like an older version of his idiotic teammate. Good to see he didn't end up completely useless in the future. But there was something bugging him about this -

No. _No_.

He could accept those two coming from the future. He could accept the silver-haired man being his future self - deep down, he knew it was true - even if the man acted like a complete moron. Hell, he could even accept that he was gay - which wasn't actually that uncommon among the shinobi ranks, considering the male - female ratio. But _Obito_? He was in a relationship with Uchiha fucking _Obito_?

"You're kidding me," he demanded, outraged, "Why _him_?" Next to him, Sensei's eyes widened in sudden realization.

"...You'll find out when you're older?" His older self offered. Kakashi grit his teeth.

"Kakashi - both of you, settle down," said Sensei. "there will be time to... discuss after the Hokage-sama meets with them. I'm sure there will be a lot that the Sandaime would like to know."

"I don't get it," said Obito. "What did you mean by -"

Somehow, everyone else managed to exchange a single uncomfortable glance - even the older Obito. "I'll... explain later," said Sensei, who looked to have no plans for doing so, ever. "Obito- no, not you, Obito, I meant the older one -"

The scarred man looked at him quizzically. "How's your hand? Rin's a competent medic nin, she can heal it for you."

"...No, it's alright. My hand is perfectly fine."

The man casually slid his injured hand out of view, but Kakashi's sharp eyes caught a glimpse of it before it was hidden. His eyes widened. The blood had darkened and looked to have already dried, meaning that there was no new bloodflow out. And the skin underneath... it must have been a trick of the light, Kakashi decided, because that was just not possible. For a second, it looked as if the man's (he couldn't think of him as Obito) hand was covered by the pale pink of newly grown skin.

* * *

**A/N: Hope you enjoyed. Please review! Share a comment, advice, mistake/typo... anything would be great, even a "Good story!"**

**Yeah, Kakashi and Obito aren't exactly being secrete. But there's a reason for that.**


	4. Chapter 4

**Rating:** T

**Summary:** The Sandaime is too old for this kind of shit. Kid Obito overhears his older counterpart talking with Kakashi's and unearths a horrible truth.

* * *

Sarutobi Hiruzen looked at them warily. "Let me get this straight. You two are claiming to be from the future and - not only that - to be the older versions of Hatake Kakashi and Uchiha Obito?"

The Sakumo-look-a-like coughed sheepishly. Most of his face was covered by a black cloth mask, not unlike the boy he was claiming to be. "Yes, exactly."

He sighed and pinched the bridge of his nose. Time travel, of _course_. Perfect, just perfect. And the only instance of it just had to occur three months before he retired and passed on his mantle. "Do you know how much paperwork this is going to cause for me?"

The two exchanged a look. "Actually, I do," volunteered the man claiming to be Obito. His companion stared. "What?" He defended, "Running a S-ranked criminal organization isn't as easy as it sounds, alright? You wouldn't _believe _the shit Kakuzu would try to pull on a daily basis - I had to go over every expense with a fucking _magnifying glass_ -"

"Wait," said Sarutobi. "What are you saying about running a S-ranked criminal organization?"

The older Kakashi gave his partner a glare.

"...It's not like I'm still in charge of it, alright?" Obito complained, "Anyways, I was pretty much brainwashed into doing it by crazy old _Madara_-"

"_What?_"

"-and yeah, it's mostly my fault, but that senile old man was the guy who convinced me into it."

The Hokage opened his mouth as if he was about to say something, but thought better of it. "You know what," he said finally in a long - suffering tone of voice, "explain to me _exactly _what kind of world you two are from."

The two paled with surprising synchroncity.

* * *

"Well," said Obito, "that went better than I thought."

"If you mean that you didn't get executed for leaving the village to run a criminal organization dedicated to putting your eye on the moon, I agree completely," Kakashi drawled. "I'm actually surprised he let us stay, considering the circumstances. But again, you _did _twist a few facts..."

"I couldn't exactly tell him _everything_, can I? He knows the basics. That's enough."

Kakashi rolled his eyes. "You told him that a pair of overpowered morons tried to put an illusion on the world and were defeated. However, you neglected to tell him that one of those overpowered morons was _you_. I would think that's pretty important information."

"Hey, I explained the criminal organization and Madara to him."

"You told him that the organization completed bounty missions that villages wouldn't take. Kinda left out the 'capturing jinchuuriki to suck the demons out of them'. Anyways, I think he already thought you were crazy when you told him about the old man who lived with his pet plant creatures under a cave in Iwa."

A pause. "...So that's why he looked at me like that."

Kakashi sighed. "What's done is done, Obito. Let's go find the place we're supposed to be staying in and work to get back to our own time." He waved the address the Hokage had given him.

The scarred man squinted at the paper. "I don't recognize this address. You?"

"Have no idea. It'll be a surprise, at least."

So when the duo finally stopped in front of the looming gates of the main Uchiha compound, Kakashi groaned. "Obito, you didn't recognize your home address?"

"It's been decades!" Obito defended. "Besides, I did had to get half of my brain replaced by plant material. I'm lucky I didn't end up as a vegetable. So what if I can't remember a few house numbers?"

"...Right." Kakashi eyed the compound gates. "...Why did they send us to the Uchiha compound? Surely there are other places in the village."

"Because of me. The Sandaime probably told them about our situation, and they must have wanted to talk to us. Me. Probably want to interrogate me on the future."

Someone inside the gates noticed them standing there and raised a hand in greeting. The Uchiha man strode over and opened the gates. Now that he was closer, Kakashi realized that he recognized the man. "Fugaku-san?"

"Ah, Kakashi-kun - or Kakashi-san, considering the circumstances. I'm used to you being a few feet shorter, you see." He glanced over to Obito, and his welcoming expression turned a bit colder. "...Obito-kun. The Sandaime-sama explained your situations to me. I told him that I was glad to help, in any way possible. Come on in."

Obito couldn't help but stare at his surroundings. The last time he had seen this place, it had been soaked with the blood of dead Uchiha - dead Uchiha that he helped kill. He clenched his hands at the memory.

After his attack on the village with the Kyuubi, all the Uchiha houses around Konoha had been relocated and put into one big compound - this one. Easier to keep an eye on the Uchiha, Obito supposed.

He shuddered and lowered his gaze resolutely. That was the past, and no matter how much he wanted to change it, he couldn't.

_Or could he?_

His thought process was interrupted when Fugaku slid open the door of a nearby house. "You two will be staying here," he said, gesturing inside. "There's one bed, I'm afraid - but that shouldn't be a problem, should it?"

"Hngk," said Obito. "No, it isn't," said Kakashi.

"Ah. Good. Feel free to settle in. And, if you two don't mind... Mikoto would really love having you two over for dinner tomorrow night." And, with a surprisingly genuine smile, Fugaku left.

The door slid shut. "I'm guessing that's not exactly optional," said Kakashi.

"No, it isn't," groaned Obito. "Shit, this is not going to end well."

"No?"

"Look at me, Kakashi. I have one eye. I'm an Uchiha. The Clan's going to fucking murder me."

"I doubt they will be able to. It's not as if you haven't done the opposite before."

"Shut up, Kakashi," said Obito without much heat. "Anyways, it's more about the... psychological part, not the physical. Yeah, I'm pretty sure I can take the majority - but they can take it out on us - me - for however long we stay here - which should be quite a while, considering how we have no idea how we actually got here."

"Hn. You have an explanation in mind?"

"I can always tell them the truth," Obito decided. "They shouldn't be too pissed if my eye still belonged to a Konoha shinobi, not some random enemy nin out there in the world."

"Don't you dare," warned Kakashi. "Youhave no idea what happened after Kannabi Bridge. Your clan went completely berserk - I'm pretty sure they wanted to disembowel me with a senbon, if that's even possible. You're lucky you died when you did. You didn't have to face the fallout."

He paused. "Did you hear something? A squeak?"

Obito blinked. "Uh, no. Are you hearing things?"

"Yes- no. I don't know, but whatever made it isn't here anymore." He paused. "You don't think it's -?"

"Knowing myself, probably. I'm harmless, don't worry about it. I'm pretty sure he won't blurt anything out, considering that he's going to be in a lot of trouble if the clan finds out about my eye."

"So," said Kakashi. "We're in the past."

"Seems so."

"Where almost everyone we lost are still alive."

"Yup."

"Have you thought about -" Kakashi hesitated. "-changing anything?"

"You think I haven't?" Obito snapped. "But think about it! If we change the outcomes, we won't exist anymore. And since we don't exist anymore, we won't be here to make the changes in the first place. I'm not to eager to make an infinite paradox, Kakashi."

"But we won't," said Kakashi. "We've already made plenty of changes and we're still here. I, for one, don't remember older versions of you and myself making out in the Forest of Death."

Obito's jaw dropped. "You mean-?"

"I don't think this is our timeline, Obito. Our younger selves are pretty stupid-"

"Speak for yourself, Kakashi."

"-but Sensei isn't. Neither is the Sandaime-sama. They have at least some foreknowledge due to our explanations, enough to change _something _in our timeline. There's a reason time travel has never occurred before. The travelers would eventually end up fading from the timeline, because they simply don't exist in the new one."

"So we're not in the past?"

"Yes and no. Personally, I think we're just in a parallel dimension where events had happened slower than they had in ours. It's the past, technically, just not _our _past."

"You're saying that we can change everything," said Obito. "Rin won't have to die, Sensei would live a happy life with his family -"

"-and you'll still be in the village," said Kakashi, "not half-smushed in a cave somewhere in Iwa."

"Let's do it," Obito said resolutely.

"Maa, calm down. We can't do anything until the Kannabi Bridge mission anyways, whenever it happens."

"Fine." He paused. "Hey Kakashi, remember what got us sent here in the first place?"

"If you mean your libido, yes."

"Shut up, Kakashi. Like you didn't want it. Anyways, it just hit me. We've still haven't accomplished what we've set out to do."

A sigh. "Obito, you horny bastard..."

"My plan succeeded, you know. That blonde brat of yours can't interrupt us now." A smirk. "And we have a pretty damn big bed right there, so you can't complain about location."

"...Fine. You do realize that if your younger self hears, he's going to be traumatized for life."

"Yeah, sure, whatever. Maybe this way, I can actually find out about the birds and the bees _without _getting it explained to me by a creepy old Uchiha ancestor."

A pause. "Madara Uchiha taught you about sex...?" Another weighty pause. "Wait, so he was g-"

A cough. "Yeah, let's leave that for later. And what, did you think his hard-on for Hashirama was only metaphorical? Madara had a lo-ot of issues, including not being able to pee when people's watching."

"Wait, Madara Uchiha couldn't pee when people were watching?"

"Shut up Kakashi, and get on the bed."

* * *

Obito Uchiha, 13, stared at the mirror with wide eyes.

It was obvious now. How could he have not seen it before? He should have guessed from what the older versions of him and Kakashi were doing when his team had first encountered them in the forest. What he overheard from their conversation was just the final piece in the puzzle.

He gazed upon his reflection. No wonder his team was looking at him in such a weird way. They knew the truth too. They just didn't want to tell him.

His brain added two and two, and got five.

There was only one possibility, decided Obito. With a heavy weight in his heart, he crawled under the bed and retrieved a dented wooden bat.

He had been turned into a zombie in the future - one of the face-eating ones that he saw on the occasional mission. The scars that marred his future self's face was evidence enough of that - the missing eye too; he knew zombies were often missing body parts. And, even worse, he had tried to infect Kakashi - who was a complete bastard, yeah, but also didn't deserve to be turned into a - he shuddered - face - eating zombie.

Obito hefted the heavy bat onto his shoulder. There was a resolute expression on his face and a look of utter determination in his eyes.

He had to end this before the zombie infected everyone in the village. It was himself who was the zombie, so it had to be him who took care of the situation.

Obito gulped. He had never killed a zombie before. He had used the bat, sure - the dents were proof of that - but those had always been from poles or benches he had accidentally hit. His team never let him finish things off.

...Tomorrow then, he decided. He will confront his older self tomorrow. But for now... Obito yawned. The bed looked very inviting right now.


	5. Chapter 5

**Rating:** T

**Summary: **Minato takes an opportunity to talk with the older Kakashi and Obito. Meanwhile, Team Minato discuss the new arrivals among themselves.

* * *

He didn't know how to react, not really. Not only had two Konoha shinobi from the future entered the village, they also happened to be _his_ students. Only, they were older than _him_ now.

It was a strange thought. Minato knew that his students would grow up one day, but not _this_ quickly. He was too used to the idea of Kakashi as a short-tempered midget and Obito as a chronically late loudmouth that seeing them as different was just... _strange_. Who _were_ these people claiming to his beloved students?

He knew that time brought change. But was it possible that time could change _this_ much? Kakashi and Obito's deep-rooted animosity had turned into playful bantering and apparently, something even deeper than that_._

(Yeah, he didn't want to think about _that_ right now.)

And that was when he spotted the tuft of silver hair, there in the middle of the marketplace. He raised an eyebrow. Kakashi? Here?

Yet when the man turned around to meet his gaze, he couldn't help but think, _Sakumo?_

He couldn't ignore the resemblance. While Kakashi had always bore a great likeness to his father, his older counterpart... could have been his twin. Minato couldn't see his face due to the mask (and wow, Kakashi was still wearing it.) but he had a feeling that it would look almost exactly like that of Sakumo Hatake's.

And judging from the reactions of the civilians, they weren't blind to the resemblance either. They shot each other looks of shock - _isn't he supposed to be dead? I heard he killed himself! _- and chattered among themselves, but none dared to confront the man directly. _Just as well_, Minato thought to himself. He sure didn't want to explain this mess to anyone.

"Morning, Minato-sensei," Kakashi - and wow, did it feel strange thinking of him as such - called out to him, threading his way through the crowd with practiced ease.

His grin tightened a bit. "Ah... I'm not your sensei anymore, am I?"

The other man closed his eye - what happened to his other eye? - into a wry eye smile. "You'll always be my sensei, Minato-sensei."

Minato looked at the stranger who was his student. He felt suddenly desperate. "What happened, Kakashi?" How did his little Kakashi-kun become _him_? The boy he remembered was closed-off, serious, and coldly arrogant. Which wasn't _bad_ - that was just the kind of person Kakashi was, especially after Sakumo's suicide, all those years ago. But this older Kakashi was just so laid back; it seemed as if life as a whole was a joke to him. How could a person change so much?

He didn't say any of that out loud, but he could see that Kakashi understood his meaning as clearly as if he did.

"...Life happened, Sensei," said Kakashi at last. "People died. I realized that I had to change in order to protect my precious people. I've learned a lot. I'm not the kid you remember, Minato-sensei."

A sudden cold shiver went down his spine. _People died_, Kakashi had said. Which wasn't strange - shinobi died, that was a fact. But the way he said it...

"Who?" He asked, horrible images flashing through his head. "Who died?" _Sensei? Kushina-kun? _His heart twisted. No, it was someone much closer to Kakashi than either of those. And...

...Neither Kakashi nor Obito had said anything about Rin, had they?

But Kakashi was shaking his head. "I... can't tell you, Minato-sensei." He paused at Minato's disbelieving expression. "If you know, you might change the timeline in ways we can't predict. Anyone can die. We have to let time play out until the crucial moment. But I promise you. That's not going to happen. Not again."

There was a hard look in his eye, and Minato knew that he meant it. Despite his reservations, he felt him trusting the man. And really, why shouldn't he? He _was_ Kakashi, his _student_ - and even though he had changed so much, Minato knew that he was still the boy he knew, deep down.

"Alright," he said, and put a false, cheery expression on his face. "...So, Kakashi-kun. What are you doing here?"

"Maa, the usual, you know," Kakashi replied, equally cheerfully. "Mikoto-san invited Obito and I over for dinner tonight. I figured it would be bad manners to go over without a gift, you know? What do you think?"

He held up a potted plant. Minato stared.

"It's very leafy," he said at last. Then, very dubiously, "a potted plant? Why?"

"It's called Mr. Ukki," Kakashi replied, seemingly oblivious.

Minato quirked an eyebrow. "Are you always in the habit of naming potted plants?"

"Ah, but Mr. Ukki is special!" The other man exclaimed, "One of my students gave me a potted plant just like this in the future. It was also called Mr. Ukki. Mr. Ukki is very cheery, you see. After a hard mission, Mr. Ukki always cheers me up."

...Kakashi had a student? He filed the information away for later questioning. "But... why a potted plant?" He asked.

"I think Mr. Ukki would look very good in their living room," the other man continued, utterly seriously. "What do you think?"

It was actually pretty good-looking for a house plant. Minato couldn't help but admire it for a bit. Maybe Kushina would like a houseplant. "I think Mikoto-kun will love it," he said, completely honestly. Mikoto had always liked weird things. A potted plant named Mr. Ukki wouldn't be out of place in her collection.

Kakashi beamed.

* * *

Kakashi scowled. "Cheer up, Kakashi!" Said Rin, before flinging another kunai at the red target. "At least come train with us instead of just sitting there by yourself."

"...That's easy for _you_ to say." Rin didn't have an older version of themselves running around the village and ruining their reputation, after all.

"What, because an older me didn't appear in the village? Come on, it's not like older you is that bad!"

"I agree," chimed in Obito. "He's better than _you_, anyways."

"Hn. Likewise."

Silence. "Wait," said Obito, "are you saying that you think older me is better than me?"

"Yes, I did. Unless even that is too hard for you to comprehend..."

He actually meant it. Older Obito, who, while seemingly prone to dressing in strange clothing and inexplicable outbursts, also turned out to be an accomplished shinobi was a great improvement over his teammate, who was a crybaby and a weakling. In fact, he held him in higher regard than he did his own future counterpart. It seemed to him that the older Obito might have actually - he scowled - _surpassed_ himself in the future.

Hn. Well, he wouldn't make the same mistakes his older self did, that was for sure.

"Why, you -"

"Boys, calm down," said Minato-sensei, materializing from behind him. "You have a mission in less than a week, remember? This time is better training to fight the enemy than fighting among yourselves." His face was tense. What happened? "This mission is crucial to the well being of this village and has the potential to be very dangerous as well."

"Eh? What's wrong, Sensei? You said this mission was the same rank as the ones we've been doing!" Obito pointed out.

"Well, yes, but..." Sensei paused. "Just... be extra careful this mission, alright? Call it a gut feeling."

"...Is this because of _them_?" Kakashi asked.

"Yes. No. Well, no," Sensei said unconvincingly. "I'm just worried, that's all."

Team Minato exchanged looks. ...Yeah, sure he was. They were young, not dumb.

"Hey sensei," said Obito suddenly, "do you know where older me and older Kakashi are staying?"

"The Uchiha compound, I believe," Minato-sensei replied, squinting slightly. "But I know they're having dinner at the Clan Head's house tonight. Why?"

"Oh nothing," the boy said. His face turned grim. "...I just have to take care of something, that's all."

* * *

"I still have no idea why you bought a potted plant," said Obito. "Seriously? A potted _plant_?" He eyed said plant balefully.

"Like you had a better idea."

"Well, _no_, but - a plant. Really. It's not even colorful or flowery or anything. It's just a green _plant_."

"What do you have against plants, Obito? I thought the majority of your army was plants."

Obito scowled. "Zetsu wasn't just a plant. He was my friend - at least, when he wasn't manipulating me to follow in Madara's footsteps. Anyways, I don't have anything against plants. I just think they're a horrible idea for a present when we're trying to make them like us enough to not kill us."

Kakashi gave him a look. "Let Mr. Ukki into your heart, Obito. Mr. Ukki can be your friend, just like he is mine." It was all said in a tone of utter seriousness.

"Oh, fuck off." He rolled his eyes. "...Are you going to knock, or am I?"

"My hands are full. Unless you want to risk the death of Mr. Ukki, I'm afraid you're going to have to knock."

"As much as I want that..." Obito rapped on the door. "I don't want to be the one to explain to Mikoto-kun why there's a pile of potting soil and pottery shards on her doorstep."

The door opened. A pair of very large, wide eyes regarded Obito and Kakashi calmly.

"Is it true that you're Obito-nii?" Asked Itachi Uchiha, age three. "You don't look like him."

Obito froze. Then, slowly, he kneeled. "Hey, Itachi-chan. It's me. I'm just older." His face looked pained. Understandable, seeing how Obito had used the older Itachi in many of his manipulations. He had seen the boy grow up and die, knowing that he had a huge part in his fate. It hadn't mattered to him then - he had the Moon Eye's Plan, then - but it did matter to him now.

"...You don't have goggles," the boy said petulantly. "Obito-nii always wear goggles."

"They broke when I was on a mission," he explained, leaving out just how exactly they had been broken. He had a feeling that Itachi wouldn't take well to that. "Where are your parents?"

"They're inside," Itachi replied. "I'll get them." But before he scurried away into the inside of the house, he turned back. "Obito-nii, you're really different."

"Well," said Kakashi after the boy had ran off. "...I haven't heard _that_ before."


	6. Chapter 6

**Rating: **T

**Summary: **The great Uchiha-Hatake dinner commences!

* * *

To Obito's great surprise, Mikoto adored the potted plant, now deemed 'Mr. Ukki', and had placed it at the center of the table. As a result, he had to make sure to avoid the broad green leaves as he reached over to get another helping of mackerel.

"This is delicious," he said, then took another bite. He wasn't just saying it to be polite. Mikoto-chan's cooking had always been wonderful, though he hadn't had a lot of opportunity to get a taste as a kid. From what he remembered, Fugaku had never really liked him. But again, neither did the majority of the Uchiha clan.

Mikoto smiled gently. "I'm glad you think so, Obito-kun." She seemed to have no problems with addressing a full-grown man the same way she did the short, bratty kid he had been decades ago. He had always liked that about Mikoto - and tried to block out the memories of _another_ Mikoto, this one with blood trickling out from her mouth as she clutched the fatal wound in her stomach, dealt by her beloved elder son.

He shoved a piece of mackerel in his mouth in a valiant attempt to distract himself.

"Obito-san," Fugaku said, "I have to admit, I'm quite curious as to how you got those scars. They look different from most kinds I have encountered before."

_Probably because nobody else you've met survived having an entire half of their body crushed under rock,_ Obito thought to himself. "I was injured on a mission," he said out loud. "It was pretty traumatic. I don't remember much about what happened. I'm not really sure how I survived, but I'm glad I did." That, at least, was not a lie - at least, not entirely a lie. He wasn't really sure if him surviving was a good thing, knowing the disasters he had helped facilitate, the deaths he helped cause.

The other man 'hmm'ed in the way people do in order to show interest when they felt no such thing. "I suppose medical ninjutsu must have improved quite a lot in that time. That scarring looks too severe to be anything survivable in this time."

"Ha ha," said Obito uncomfortably. "It most certainly did." He decided to leave out how said injury would occur in roughly a week from now and how the way he had survived could barely be considered medical ninjutsu. Well, depending on whether fusing a plant clone of Senju Hashirama onto one's body is medical ninjutsu.

"I don't mean to pry," Mikoto began, "and I understand if you - either of you - feel uncomfortable answering, but I just want to ask the question on all of our minds right now. How _did_ you and Kakashi-kun get together? You two don't seem to get along very well in this time, from what the younger you have told me."

Obito exchanged an awkward look with Kakashi. _You do it_, said the other man's stare. "...I was at a very bad time in my life," he said slowly. "I made some bad decisions and associated with some people I shouldn't have -" _Like an entire organization of S-ranked shinobi. _"- and I was trying to make up for my mistakes. Kakashi supported me a lot during that time -" _Like convincing the shinobi world that the man who tried putting the entire world under a genjutsu should be allowed to live_. _"- _and... what can I say." He shrugged. "We got closer, and one day, it just happened."

"It was a very unique set of circumstances," Kakashi added. His mask was off. All it took was one admonishment from Mikoto about manners at the dinner table.

Mikoto looked touched. "That's very romantic," she told them. "It feels like something right out of a book."

"...If you say so," he muttered.

"But Obito-kun, I want to tell you that I'm very proud of you for being as strong as you were," she said. Obito stared at her, utterly confused. "Life as a shinobi is very difficult. I've known a lot of shinobi who have resorted to drugs, and I'm really glad you didn't continue down that path."

He stared. Kakashi choked on his rice in the background. "T-that's not what I meant at all!" Obito managed, eyes wide.

"It's alright, Obito-kun. You don't have to be ashamed." Mikoto smiled beatifically. He flushed red. "No, really, I -"

Kakashi kicked him under the table. _Go with it_, he mouthed. Obito scowled. _Hell no, _he mouthed back.

"What Obito here means to say," the Hatake interjected smoothly, "is that that part of his past is something he doesn't like to dwell upon. He likes to focus on the present." And then, in a stage whisper, "He refuses to go to therapy for it."

Mikoto nodded understandingly. "Ah, I understand completely. Shinobi do have that tendency, don't they? But Obito, I want to congratulate you. Back in my day, we actually covered those topics in the Academy. I know it's hard to face the real world sometimes, but it's not worth it to get caught up in an illusion - like the kind drugs will trap you in."

Obito twitched. Seriously? This is what they were going with? At least it was better than the truth... He just wished he didn't have to make himself out to be a drug addict in order to keep_ that_ under wraps. "...Thank you, Mikoto-san," he said finally.

"Oh, Obito-kun, why so formal? We're family! You too, Kakashi-kun."

"Thank you, Mikoto-chan," Obito corrected himself. "...Er, how are things going with your family?" Alright, so it was a pretty horrible attempt at conversation. At least he was trying, unlike the silver-haired jerk on the other side of the table.

"We're fine! Itachi-chan's probably going to start at the Academy in a year or two, seeing how he's been doing so far. He's only three, but he's already bored with staying at home all day, and he's been hounding us about when we will let him go to school like the older kids." She sighed. "But he's going to be a lot younger than his classmates, and I worry..."

"He will be alright," he couldn't help but reassure. "Trust me, Itachi-chan will do well." _Very well. In fact, he'll end up making ANBU captain at 13 and be forced to slaughter his clan soon after. _

...Sometimes, Obito just hated his memory.

"Hm? Oh, is this one of those future things?" Mikoto laughed softly. "Thank you for reassuring me, but you don't have to tell us about the future if you don't want to. In fact, I think I'd rather face things as they come."

Obito's heart twisted. _If only you knew._ But still, he felt relieved. Maybe Fugaku wouldn't ask him the question he had been fearing the whole dinner.

"However, I would still like to know what happened to your eye, Obito-san."

...Or maybe not. _Crap. _"My eye is doing great, Fugaku-san," he said in a lame attempt to avoid the question.

"Your other eye, Obito-san. The one that's not there anymore."

Obito experienced the depressing realization that Fugaku's snark was just as biting as ever. "...I lost it on a mission," he said finally, with the tone of a man going to meet his executioner. "It was the same incident in which I got my scars."

"Ah, I see. I'm sorry for your loss. Pardon me, but... did you ever end up activating your Sharingan?"

"Yeah, eventually -" That reaction was a hell of a lot milder than he had imagined. He couldn't help but ask, "That's it?"

"What's it?"

"You know, me losing an eye..."

Fugaku laughed, the friendliest he had sounded the whole meal. "You can't possible believe that I would admonish you for losing an eye in battle! Look, there's plenty of Uchiha around who have suffered eye injuries on their missions - it's what our enemies aim for, considering our abilities. Besides, it's not as if you gave a perfectly good Sharingan to a non-Uchiha, or something. Ha ha."

"Ha ha," Obito echoed emptily. "Yeah, or something." _Damn._

He kicked Kakashi under the table. _If you ever lift that headband of yours, I'm _dead_. _To his dismay, the other man ignored him.

"Kakashi-kun, am I right in saying that you're a jounin?"

"Ah, yes, you would be correct. I am Hatake Kakashi, jounin under the command of the Godaime."

"...Godaime?" Mikoto quirked an eyebrow. "Already? Anyhow... Obito-kun, I've noticed that you're not wearing a hitai-ate. Are you still a shinobi?"

"Er, I retired a while ago," Obito stammered. "After my injury, a lot of people thought the shinobi life wasn't suitable for me anymore." _Technically, not a lie. There just happens to be a bit more to that..._

Fugaku snorted in disapproval. His wife smacked him playfully. "Don't be rude! There's nothing wrong for Obito to retire a little bit early. _I_ retired from the Shinobi Corps, remember?"

"Yes, but that's _different,_" the man defended himself lamely. Mikoto huffed in amusement.

Obito had to admit, seeing the head of the Uchiha clan get whipped by a housewife never stopped being amusing.

Said housewife turned back towards them. "I have to say, you and Kakashi-kun have changed a lot. It must be getting old by now, but... he's certainly a lot more laid back than he is now, and you - no offense meant, but -"

"I'm not a stupid kid anymore?" He asked, a mock shocked expression on his face. "It's alright. I know. Life changes people. I got betrayed by some people I trusted, found out that things weren't what they seemed at first glance, and learned to think for myself. With that said, I'm sorry for being such a brat to you as a kid. I suppose it's karma or something - there's a kid I know in the future who reminds me a lot of myself, and I find him annoying as he - heck."

"Naruto's not exactly a kid anymore, Obito." Kakashi added.

"...Naruto? What kind of parent would name their child after a ramen topping?" She laughed mirthfully. "I should tell Kushina-chan about it. Maybe there's someone in the world more obsessed with ramen than her."

Obito's grin tightened. "...I don't know if that's a good idea to tell her. Maybe she might end up naming _her_ kids after ramen too." _Better safe than sorry. What if Minato-sensei decides not to name his son Naruto because _Kushina_ was the one to suggest the name?_

Mikoto gave him an odd look. "...If you say so, Obito-kun. But honestly, I don't think even Kushina-chan would be _that_ crazy." She laughed. Obito didn't.

An awkward silence prevailed. "Er, do you want me to help with the dishes?" Obito asked finally, eyeing the now empty bowls around the table. Then, seeing the other's expression, added, "I _insist_."

"You _are_ the guest, Obito-kun -"

"Which is exactly why I should be helping," he argued.

Mikoto sighed. "...Alright, if you really want to."

He knew that helping wash the dishes didn't help absolve his past sins in any way. But doing so would get him away from the incredibly awkward, not to mention dangerous, environment around the dining table. With the skill of a trained shinobi, Obito maneuvered a stack of plates, glasses, and utensils toward the sink, careful not to dump everything in at the same time. He learned his lesson before.

Obito was suddenly glad that he no longer dressed in his usual loose clothing, which helped decrease the noticeability of his scars, but also got themselves stained much easier than he would like.

He absentmindedly swirled the sponge over the dishes, wiping off oil and clingy food bits. Distantly, he could hear the faint murmur of talking - probably Kakashi getting intensely interrogated. Say what you will about the Uchiha clan, but they were protective of their own. Some called it altruism, others just called it selfishness. No doubt, the leaders of the Uchiha clan wanted to see if the Hatake was worthy.

He smirked to himself. Revenge is a dish best served cold.

A while later, Obito wiped off his hands as he looked at the mound of sparkling clean dishes in satisfaction. He never really understood why most people disliked the chore. Even as a kid, the Uchiha enjoyed purifying the unclean - or in this case, making dirty dishes clean and sparkling again.

"You work really fast," Mikoto commented as she made her way into the kitchen.

He grinned at the praise. "I've had a lot of practice. I've been mostly taking care of myself since I was a kid. My parents weren't home for the majority of the time." _And then I got crushed under a rock and never saw them again. They probably died on another one of their missions between that time and when I... came back._

She sighed. "...I told Koichi and Aika that it wasn't good to leave you home alone for so long at a time. I was worried." A smile. "But you grew up to a mature, nice young man. Maybe my concerns were unfounded."

_A lot of people would disagree with you on the _nice_ part_, Obito thought silently to himself. "I'm thirty," he said, "that's not really young."

Mikoto looked at him with mock anger. "Thirty? Old? You're barely older than I am! Are you insinuating something about _my_ age?"

"No! Of course not!" He backpedaled quickly.

She laughed brightly. "Calm down, I'm just joking with you."

Obito relaxed. You could never be too careful. Even with Rin... he shivered.

The murmur of voices outside ceased. "I think we're done for tonight," said Obito. "I... I really enjoyed the meal." He was tempted to say that he wanted to return the favor, but he doubted that they would stay in the same place after the Kannabi Bridge fiasco.

"Well, I enjoyed your and Kakashi's company tonight. You two - both of you - are welcome here whenever you want, hear?"

He nodded. Mikoto pulled him into a hug. "Try not to do anything stupid, Obito-kun."

* * *

"You _knew_ they were going to do that," Kakashi accused. "A great person you are, leaving me to the mercy of Uchiha Fugaku and Mikoto."

"I had no idea," Obito told him unconvincingly. "I take it you passed?"

"They were worse than Morino Ibiki," the other man complained. "I would know. I had to get interrogated by him to get in the Corps. I would undergo another round under him willingly. _Them_... not so much."

"They aren't _that _bad," he defended.

"...Says the man who abandoned me to their delicate mercies," Kakashi deadpanned. "But in all honesty, that didn't turn out as badly as you've lead me to believe."

"I'm just glad she didn't ask more about our future." Obito sighed. "If only everyone else would follow her example." He wasn't looking forward to the eventual interaction with Team Minato. "Speaking of which, have you seen the kid you around?"

"Now that you brought it up..." the other man replied slowly, "I haven't seen him. Haven't seen your younger self either..."

"Aw, crap." Kakashi looked at him questioningly. "I know me, okay? If something like this happened when _I _was his age, I would have flipped a shit. The only reason for him not confronting us is if he was planning something. And, knowing me, it's probably something completely idiotic."

"I _like_ kid you," the jounin protested.

Obito rolled his eyes. "I remember, alright? You spent that whole fight we had in the Kamui dimension talking about it. I came out of it with a fatal wound. Wasn't something I could easily forget."

"In my defense," Kakashi pointed out, "you were trying to kill me too."

"...Alright, so I deserved it. Sure, I spouted a lot of inspirational bullshit as a kid. Doesn't change the fact that kid me was a stupid, naive little shit."

"I wouldn't use _those_words exactly. I based the majority of my life after some of your 'inspirational bullshit' -" He blinked. "...Did you hear that?"

"...Is there someone in those bushes?" Obito stared at said bushes quizzically, then kicked at them. "Er. I don't feel anything."

"Huh," Kakashi said.

Another rustle. Obito whirled around. "Oh crap, I think those sounds are coming from that tree - _oof!_" The wooden bat collided with the small of his back, knocking the wind out of him.

"Get away from Kakashi-teme!" Shouted a very familiar, very shrill male voice.

"...Obito, I changed my mind," Kakashi said, staring at a certain goggle-wearing Uchiha holding a bat in a two - handed grip. "You _were_ a stupid kid."

* * *

**A/N: Chapter 636. Aw, crap. :*(**

**Also, what was up with last chapter? That was a sudden decrease in reviews. Well, I just hope the trend doesn't continue...**


	7. Chapter 7

Hatake Kakashi was many things, but oblivious wasn't one of them. He had been a shinobi for the vast majority of his life and so, couldn't help but notice some patterns around him - especially in the ranks of the elite shinobi.

He didn't remember the last time he met anyone with a rank higher than jounin with parents who weren't dead and/or abusive in some way. In the present, his team, now regarded as one of the strongest teams in shinobi history, had two alive parents between the three of them. Hell, make that two alive parents between the _four_ of them.

And they were _both_ Sakura's, who also happened to be the only member of the team without some kind of dark past. Kakashi supposed that yes, most shinobi didn't survive past the age of thirty. But the proportion of elite shinobi who were orphans to those who were _not_... sometimes, it was a bit unsettling.

Sensei noticed the trend also, and when Kushina-kun's pregnancy became known to both of them, the two had a talk. Minato had, eyes hard, told Kakashi that he didn't want his son to grow up an orphan. _He_ knew that kind of life, and he knew that Kakashi knew also. He didn't want Naruto to grow up that way.

The man had made him promise to, no matter what, spare Naruto from that life.

But after everything, after Sensei and Kushina-kun were mere names on the list of casualties, Kakashi was a coward. He had his excuses - because that's what they were, once he got down to it - but he knew his real reason was guilt. How could he bear to see his sensei's son, knowing that maybe, if he had moved a bit faster here, or made a different decision there, his parents would still be holding him in their embrace?

Missions, ANBU, age, excuses, excuses. Sandaime-sama reassured him and told him that Naruto was happy where he was, and Minato-kun would understand. Lies, and Kakashi had tried his best to believe them. But he had never been good at convincing himself.

Surely, Minato-sensei was cursing him from the depths of the shinigami's stomach. It was not until Naruto was older that Kakashi knew the truth of his early childhood, and he still felt guilty that he hadn't been brave enough to do the right thing. His student grew up unloved and miserable because Kakashi was afraid. But there was nothing he could do to change that. What's done is done.

But now, he had a chance - glowing bright in front of him, a chance to make up for his many mistakes and write a happy ending to a story that was supposed to end in sorrow. Kushina wasn't dead anymore - he hadn't had the chance to see her yet, but he knew that she was radiant and cheerful and every bit as lively as her cold corpse was not. Sensei was back - not the dark eyed Edo Tensei creation, but the real Namikaze Minato. Obito... Rin... Both the innocent children they were before, once upon a time.

And then, there was him. But young Hatake Kakashi didn't factor in any of his plans, at least, not greatly - and he had many of them. This time he wouldn't screw up. He won't let his loved ones die again.

Not that it meant that he couldn't enjoy himself while doing it. This Obito was still an idiot - well, not that he was no longer an idiot. But here, he was a sexually oblivious teen with a bat, not an emotionally oblivious criminal mastermind. And _his_ Obito was here with him, and he always enjoyed screwing with Obito, any interpretation welcomed, and this was an once in a lifetime opportunity to fuck with his head.

No, he didn't feel bad for taking advantage of the situation. Kakashi considered it payback for Obito traipsing along with Madara during all those years, without a single word to the people who loved him. Besides, Obito had the kid version of _him_ to mess with. The kid deserved it.

As if on cue, the younger Uchiha dove at Obito again, eyes bright. "This is your last chance, bastard!"

Obito looked extremely annoyed. Understandable, considering the embodiment of his childhood embarrassment was literally waving a wooden bat in front of his face. "You really have no idea what's going on here, brat."

"I _know_ what's going on here," the boy replied confidently. "Now get away from Kakashi-teme. Zombie or not, bats _hurt_." He shook his bat for emphasis.

Kakashi and Obito exchanged a look. Somehow, he doubted that the kid could manage what a few thousand shinobi couldn't. But Obito clearly had no desire to be smacked by anything, let alone a little wooden something wielded by a very enthusiastic thirteen year old.

Peace was the best option. Obito sighed, gave him a "I can't believe I'm doing this" look, then walked closer to the boy. "Put the bat _down_. I'm not a zombie."_  
_

A scoff. "Yeah right! I heard you guys talking about it two nights ago - you can't fool me!" The younger Obito brandished a finger at his older self. "I'm _dead_. Kakashi said so." Kakashi shrugged helplessly. "Yeah, you zombie bastard! Just because you put Kakashi-teme under your evil spell doesn't mean -"

"_Evil spell?_" Obito exclaimed incredulously. "Look brat, I didn't put him under an _evil spell_, because I'm not a fucking -"

"Hey," he interrupted, pointing his thumb at Obito. "Isn't he supposed to be a zombie? Last I heard, witches used spells, not zombies." He took a moment to appreciate the utter ridiculousness of the shit he was spouting.

"Wrong kind of zombie!" Both Obito's exclaimed with tired exasperation, almost simultaneously.

Kakashi blinked. "Y'know, Obito... Why don't you sort this out yourself." Three minutes into the conversation and he already had no idea what was going on. That, and he had _no desire_ to explain to an adolescent Obito how to insert part A into part B.

Obito turned around, scowl on face. "Oh no you fucking don't," he said, pointing angrily at him. "You were the one who said more than he was supposed to, and you're going to help me with _him_."

He craned his neck a bit to the left. "Er, Obito?"

"What?"

"The other you's gone," Kakashi said. "I looked away from him when you grabbed my shoulder. He's not there anymore."

The other man swung around, and immediately began to curse creatively. "Shit, don't tell me that he's gone off to - _Dammit_. I wanted to push _that_ discussion off by a few weeks, at least. It wouldn't hurt if I never had to have it."

Kakashi scanned their surroundings. "I don't think he ran off."

"What are you - Oh, _shit_."

To be fair, "oh shit" tends to be most people's initial reaction to having a bat wielding, screaming teenager flying toward one's head from a very tall tree. Obito was very protective of his head, thank you very much, and _this_ did not _help_.

Most people's secondary reaction would be to duck, or dodge, or get away from the object in any way possible. Obito was one of these people, but he didn't duck or dodge. A single blink, and his eye swirled into crimson red.

In Obito's defense, Kamui was incredibly useful, both in combat and out. Yes, his use of the technique probably counted up to the thousands, if not tens of thousands. For most of the past two decades, his go - to technique to evade an incoming attack, or incredibly pissed off Kyuubi jinchuriki, or just to make an incredibly cool entrance.

So when he saw a weapon moving at incredibly high speeds toward his face, it was understandable that his first instinct was to use Kamui. Understandable, but a huge mistake nonetheless.

The kid Obito crashed into a ground, bat flying out of his hands and rolling a few feet away. He pushed himself to his feet on unsteady arms, then stared at the frozen older man in shock.

"Oh crap," said Obito, his Sharingan still activated. "Look, it's not what you -"

The boy pointed a single shaking finger up at him, eyes wide with fear. "G-Ghost!"

* * *

At the age of 13, there were three things that Uchiha Obito feared.

Failure was one of them. He was always called a failure, by his parents, by Kakashi, by his classmates... and he wanted to prove them wrong. He would get the Sharingan and be a really powerful shinobi and Rin would like him and he wouldn't be a _failure_. He would prove himself in battle and make Sensei and his family proud, and the thought of really being the deadlast that everyone thought he was... he hated it. So he held on to that hope that yes, he _would_ become Hokage, he _would_ become strong._  
_

Death was another. From the day his mother bluntly told him that yes, Auntie Misaka died on her mission and no, she would never come back to pat him on the head, or poke his forehead, or any of the things that she did before... he had been petrified of the very thought of death. One day, everyone will be gone - just _gone_, with no chance of returning.

Failure, as he learned, meant death in the shinobi world. Auntie Misaka had failed, so she had died. If he failed, he would die, or people he loved would die. Obito decided then that he wouldn't fail.

Both of which lead to the one thing he feared most. Failure lead to death lead to... well.

The day after he found out Auntie Misaka died, Obito went for a walk. He ended up near one of the many forests surrounding Konoha and found a tree and just... cried. He didn't know how long he was there, but it must have been a pretty long time, because by the time he finally looked up, it had already gotten dark.

That was the first time he saw _them_. Two shadows pressed against a tree trunk, far enough that he couldn't see their faces, close enough that he could hear their ravenous noises as they consumed each other's faces with relish. He was a coward - he didn't try to help the victim until it was already too late, until he had already been turned. Obito sat, trembling against his hiding place, until the two were gone.

He had heard about zombies before, those reanimated corpses that longed for human flesh. Obito just never thought they were real. That is, until now.

But they weren't what Obito feared most. Not even close. Face-eating zombies, at least, Obito could fight. They were physical and tangible and always ran away from Obito as he chased after them. No, they were nothing.

It was an easy train of thought to follow. If that's what dead bodies eventually became, what happened to the people that used to own those bodies?

Obito had asked his father, who had, in a startling display of actually caring, told him a story. A ghost story, actually, and an incredibly ridiculous one at that. It was oblivious that the man had made it up from the top of his head, but Obito soaked it all in with horrified eyes, images of a wraithlike Auntie Misaka already flashing before his eyes.

Unfortunately for Obito, his father forgot to mention that ghosts weren't, in fact, real.

This was an enemy that Obito couldn't defeat, and that scared him. Terrified him, even. And now, for the first time in his life, he stood face to face - more like face to shoulder - to a ghost, and not only just _any_ ghost, but _his_ ghost. His angry, vengeful ghost from the _future_ who he had just swung a bat through.

Obito swallowed. Then, with the speed only a trained shinobi possessed, he turned around and bolted for his life. Not that he got far. In a whirlwind of color and pain, Obito found himself tied up and gagged against one of the many nearby trees.

"Mmf," he managed as he wriggled, testing his bonds to no avail.

A pair of cold grey eyes looked down at him, then back up at the ghost version of himself. "Dammit, Obito," said the older Kakashi, sounding incredibly pissed off. "You can't even handle yourself?"

"...Where the hell did you get the rope? And how did you -" The wraith gestured toward him. Obito gulped.

"Let's just say that I've had a lot of experience in dealing with loudmouth brats. After the first few batches of genin, I could tie a small child up in less than five seconds." Kakashi paused, rethought his words, and sighed. "...That wasn't supposed to come out as creepy as it did."

"...I'm still surprised that they let you be a jounin sensei."

"Obito, please. I'm one of the most respected shinobi in the village."

"Most respected my ass," he scoffed. "You damn pervert -"

Kakashi gave him a look. "Don't pretend like you've never read Icha Icha before. I know for a _fact_ that the stash under the mattress doesn't belong to me."

The ghost flushed bright red, and Obito distantly wondered how it was possible, without an actual body. "I'm not a - I was just _curious _-"

"Maa, maa. Whatever you say." The jounin sighed. "You don't have to hide it. I could tell from the day Sensei made me find you for practice and I found you with that picture of our team pressed to your face."

"Kakashi, you -"

Obito blinked, more than a bit confused. At least they were distracted. His hands were tied behind his back, but he knew that if he twisted his wrists a little bit _more_ -

His fingers caught on the handle of one of the kunai sticking out of his pouch, and he cheered mentally. Now all he had to do was cut off the ropes and he could escape and tell Sensei about what he had discovered. Slowly, carefully, he crooked the tip of his finger through the ring of the kunai, careful not to touch any of the sharp edges of what was basically a sharp knife with a tiny handle.

But he couldn't actually _see_ where the kunai were, and his pain tolerance was low enough that he gave a muffled yelp when he sliced his finger open with the part of the blade next to the handle. It wasn't particularly loud, but like most shinobi, his captors had pretty incredible hearing.

Obito found himself frozen as he was regarded with a single, blood red eye.

"Now, what the hell are we going to do with you?"

* * *

**A/N: Crap crap crap crap, I did not mean for the wait to drag so long. I just got done with the first week of school, so I'm pretty pressed for time. Yeah, I know this chapter is a bit disappointing, but I really don't know how to write the explanation scene and I don't want to make you guys wait another month for the next chapter, so.**

**Also, I got fanart! See it http ./. www deviantart art / Zombie - Killer - Obito - 390703915 **


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